she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
