I looked at my own cervix.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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