OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
