my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
