You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
