Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
