Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
