at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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