Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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