i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
