The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
