The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
