My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
