pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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