This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
...so i touched it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
