ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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