the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
