Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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