Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
