just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
