Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
