yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want her autograph on my taint
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
