Please, let me fuck your mom
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
