This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
