I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
