I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
