the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize