Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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