ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize