The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
