dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
