butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
