how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
