I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
