I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
