yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
