Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
