I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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