My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
