i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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