Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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