just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
