I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
