Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
