when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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