You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
