just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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