Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize