I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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