Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
