I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
