This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
