I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
