and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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