i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i used baking grease as lip gloss
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
