do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize