I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
