fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ugly people sure do ruin things
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
