I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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