"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize