The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
