Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
