A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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