airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
